Harriet Slaughter: The Only Witch Without a Scar
by Nataquack
Summary: In a perfectly normal house in a perfectly normal neighborhood in a perfectly normal town, there is something strange going on...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It was a normal day on a normal street in a normal town. Especially for someone as normal as Mr. Dumbskee.

"Wot the devil?" muttered the extremely normal man. He glanced at his shoulder. "Oi! There's a bit of bird poo on my shoulder!" he grumbled to himself.

A shadow passed over Mr. Dumbskee, and he looked up.

"Congratulations, sir!" rumbled the tall man.

"Wot the devil?" thought Mr. Dumbskee. Why would this man congratulate him on something as normal, revolting, even, as getting bird poo on his expensive but totally normal suit?

"Sir Shoulder Mold has been vanquished!" thundered the man.

"That is most definitely not mold, it is just a bit of crusty old bird poo, and-" Mr. Dumbskee stopped mid-grumble and took a look around. The town square was filled with loads of un-normal people, all shouting, "Harriett Slaughter lives!" and cheering like hyenas.

The tall man danced a jig and hopped into the fountain next to them.

Mr. Dumbskee quickly turned around and walked briskly home.

This was not normal.

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"Merry Christmas, my dear Chrysanthemum!" Mr. Dumbskee yodeled to his wife as he prepared a gourmet supper of sunflower seeds and chocolate milk; a perfectly normal meal for his perfectly normal family of three in their perfectly normal house.

"You too, Burton, my lovey-pie!" replied Mrs. Dumbskee as she planted a slobbery kiss on her husbands pudgy, yet normal, stubble covered cheek.

"Did you see that panther sitting on our maillbox? I wonder whose it is…" wondered Mrs. Dumbskee.

Burton 'harrumphed' in response.

As they sat down at the supper table, Mr. Dumbskee cleared his throat. "What have you heard from, er, your brother, er, what's his name again?"

Mrs. Dumbskee's face vibrated with anger (actually, their wee baby had decided to crawl under the table and shake her legs, but nonetheless, Chrysanthemum still looked intimidating to her husband).

"That good-for-nothing egg!" She hissed, "Leaving us all alone for all these years! He didn't even come to our wedding, dearest, and that wee tot, Harriett, I have never even seen her!" She sniffed as the sucked on a sunflower seed. It was obvious she was holding herself back from continuing the conversation. Chrysanthemum knew how Burton despised her dramatic monologues.

But it didn't matter. Mr. Dumbskee had gotten the information he needed. "Oh pish posh," he thought, "It must have been a different Harriett Slaughter that those weridos in the town square were referring to…"

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"OMG, is that you McGonagall? I have to say, your new panther form is simply fabulous!" sang the incredibly handsome man. His pink-highlighted bangs swept over his eyes like a teenage boy. McGonagall wanted to rip them off.

"Would you mind trimming your bloody bangs? They don't flatter your jaw alignment in the slightest." growled McGonagall.

"I knew it was you, no one else in the entire world is that fashion-deprived! LOL!" The dashing man giggled. McGonagall transformed back into her human form.

"OMG, I totes heart your new robes! They are soooo fetch!" Praised the stud.

"Thimblewar! We don't have time for your bloody shenanigans! Did you bring the girl?"

He grinned, "Of course, my dear feline, I'll fetch her."

Thimblewar pranced over to his smoking jetpack and produced a bulging picnic basket.

"Greedy Hag is in there too, he's been keeping her quiet." Thimblewar opened the basket and produced a swaddle of blankets.

"Oi! She's sleeping! Be careful now!" squealed a high-pitched voice from somewhere around the baby's right ear.

Thimblewar raised his left eyebrow spectacularly at the dwarf giant.

"Oh, sorry, headmaster, you just can't be too careful around babies these days. One little noise, and they explode, like-"

"Alright, alright, enough of this bloody chit-chat! Let's drop her off and leave before someone notices us!" Snapped McGonagall, all business.

"Now, don't get your knickers up in a twist, McGonagall!" sputtered Thimblewar. "I don't even see why people call them 'knickers' anyway," he muttered as an afterthought.

"Thimblewar!"

"Oh, right, yes, jolly good then." Thimblewar tossed the baby to McGonagall and lifted Greedy Hag onto his pink-sequined shoulder.

McGonagall delicately tip-toed over to the house and gingerly smushed the sleeping baby into the mailbox. Greedy Hag wiped away a tear.

"I'm sure gonna miss that little girl!" he sniffed.

Thimblewar glided over to McGonagall. "Harriett Slaughter," He whispered dramatically as he looked down upon her chubby face, "The only witch without a scar…"

With that, the trio wiggled their ears and disappeared from sight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: Sorry I didn't post a disclaimer earlier! I am new to fanfiction and I wasn't quite sure how to post one. But now I know! Yipee! Anywhooo, I do not own Harry Potter. (: **

**Chapter 2**

Nearly ten years later, Harriett had grown into an interesting young woman. You see, there were always weird things happening to Harriett… whenever Harriet would dig up the tulips, two more would take the pulled one's place. Whenever Harriet jumped off the roof, she would always land on the trampoline. Odd things of that sort. And no one loved her. Not that she needed it, anyway.

Harriet's aunt and uncle would never tuck her in.

"Goodnight, Harriett, my wee dumpling, we love you!"

They never fed her.

"Oh, Harriett, we made your favorite supper! Green eggs and ham!"

They never wanted to talk to her.

"So, Harriett, how was your day?"

Harriett was quite miserable in the mailbox they forced her to live in.

"Harriett, we have a master bedroom all made up for you, why do you insist on living in that rusty old postbox?"

Harriett knew that everyone secretly wanted to be friends with her, but she resisted the urge to share her awesome-ness with others. The cockroaches were her only companions in her lonely, lonely, life.

On the morning of Dudley's 11th birthday, Harriett reluctantly trundled into the house. She had agreed to spend the whole day doing Dudley's favorite leisure activities. This included: cavorting on carousels, gobbling goldfish, prancing at the park, and (Dudley's favorite), sinister snuggles. Of course, Harriett would rather pull out her eyelashes than do any of these activities, but since she was the most gifted human being on the planet, Harriett thought she could grace the Dumbskee's with her presence on Dudley's special day.

It started off as a completely normal day, until lunchtime, that is. The perfect parents had pre-packed pleasant parsley-butter sandwiches neatly in pink Barbie lunchboxes, a perfectly normal thing for this perfectly normal family of three in this perfectly normal park.

And then there was Harriett. Harriett had a Bratz lunchbox.

"How unnormal!"

"Bratz lunchboxes are so last week!"

"Her parsley-butter sandwich is unbuttered!"

"Wot the devil is going on here?"

No one understood the true awesomeness that was Harriett. She had always given her parsley-butter sandwiches to her cockroaches, being above such simple meals. That is, until now. Her curiosity was killing her cat.

As Harriett's metal-covered teeth bit down on the parsley, fireworks of love exploded from her tastebuds. A halleluiah chorus swelled in her eardrums. She triumphantly rose into the sky with her arms above her head. She could do anything. She pirouetted on a sea of marshmallows, bounced on a diving board that rocketed her up into the stratosphere, she swan dived off the Eiffel Tower. Her vision began to blur and as she faded into the darkness, her last thought was that she could understand... the parsley.

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"Harriett, darling, are you all right? You gave us quite a scare. We had no idea there was a way to choke on parsley… but we're glad you are all right."

Why were there four Aunt Chrysanthemums? No, three. No, wait, there were definitely 7. And had Uncle Burton always had that hideous mole? Harriett made a note to recommend him to a good dermatologist.

However, it soon became clear to Harriet that the mole was in fact Uncle Burton's nose and there was only one Aunt Chrysanthemum.

"Darling?"

Harriett put her hands over her eyes, maybe if she hid from her ant and uncle, they would go away, and she could ponder her parsley-speaking abilities.

"Harriett, honey, we can still see you. You gave us quite a fright, you know. We called an ambulance and everything! Well, at least you're all right now." Aunt Petunia fiddled with something behind her back.

"Anyway, we have something for you. You MUST open it, Harriet." She handed Harriett the letter. Harriet gasped. She had already received three other letters written with the exact same hot pink ink. She had swallowed each of them. Why wouldn't the people sending the letters quit already?

Harriett knew what she had to do in order to finally put a stop to this madness: open the letter.

So she could get the return address.

In slow motion, Harriett reached for the letter. As she delicately peeled back the sticky yellow glue-

"Oh do get on with it!"

"Way to ruin a dramatic moment, Uncle Vernon!" cried Harriett. "Now I have got to start all over again." Harriett threw the letter away from her and ordered Dudley to retrieve it.

This repeated several times, as every time Harriett tried to open the letter, Uncle Burton interrupted and told her to "Get a move on!" Finally, after 27 agonizing minutes, Harriett opened the letter.

The letter was oddly shaped. It was about the size of her pinky finger and quite bushy. Almost like a miniature human. Intrigued, Harriett poked it.

"Ay, watch where you put your bloody fingers!"

Startled, Aunt Chrysanthemum and Uncle Burton jumped backwards. Giggling, Harriett poked the man again and commanded him to speak.

"I am Greedy Hag. I have been watching over you your entire life, safeguarding you. But, now, it is time for you to fulfill your destiny. On behalf of my superiors, I am here to formally invite you to Boarburps School of Magic and Awesomeness."

"OMG, this is so cool!"

Unfortunately, it was Aunt Chrysanthemum who had spoken. Not Harriett. Harriett did NOT want to leave her mailbox, she did NOT want to learn magic, and she most certainly did NOT need to learn how to be 'awesome'. She already was the most awesome person on the planet.

"Aw, man! Do I HAVE to go?" Harriett whined. "Why can't I go to, I don't know, Boarburps Virtual School or something?"

"My wee dumpling, of course you must go!" Exclaimed Aunt Chrysanthemum. "You must hone your skills and channel your awesomeness so you can fulfill the prophecy and avenge your parents!"

Greedy Hag muttered, so softly that only the grass heard, "Control-z!"

"Wot the devil!" cried Uncle Burton, as Harriet pouted, "You mean you DON'T want to become the greatest witch of all time, fulfill your destiny, and avenge your parents?"

Greedy Hag mumbled, "Oh darn, Macintosh. Command-z!"

The group of normal sized humans blanked out for a moment. Then Aunt Chrysanthemum and Uncle Burton and Dudley and Harriett forgot about those last two comments.

Harriett zoned back first.

"Ummmm, you're CRAZY if you think I'm going to fall for that." She looked at her family. "Obviously this is a plot to get rid of me so you can go back to your boring old normal lives you had before I came along and brightened them up." She turned up her nose. "Plus, I already AM awesome!" Harriett rolled over, clearly indicating that she didn't want to talk anymore.

Greedy Hag jumped up. "Oh no, you don't! Your name has been on the list to get into Boarburps since before you were born!" Greedy Hag wiggled his ears and grabbed Harriett's elbow.

The last thing Harriett saw before she disappeared was her aunt and uncle lovingly waving goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: FYI, I wrote this story together with one of my best friends****:) **

It became clear to Harriett that she was no longer in the presence of her aunt, uncle, and cousin. In fact, she had appeared in the middle of a busy cobblestone street.

"Where are we, uhhhh Greedy Horse?"

"Young Harriett, my name is Greedy Hag." said Greedy Hag from his perch in the crook of Harriett's elbow. "This is Diagonal Alley!" He gestured widely to their surroundings. " The home of the greatest wizarding shops in all of England. This is where we will buy all of your school supplies. First stop, Greengoats!"

Harriett moved in the direction that the little man pointed towards. Before long, they arrived in front of a massive building, with swivel doors.

"Yipee!"

About 8 minutes later, Harriett dizzily stumbled up to the service counter. Right away, a goblin scurried up to them.

"I say, it's a bit early for Halloween, isn't it?" Harriett chuckled at her cleverness. This earned her a round of glares from the nearby goblins. Greedy Hag just rolled his eyes and asked the service goblin to take them to vault 333, along with another vault number that was too long for Harriett to try and remember.

"Right this way, please!" Another goblin popped up around Harriett's knees and led her to an iron cart that looked very stable. It rested on a track that led into a dark tunnel. Harriett and Greedy Hag quickly climbed into the cart and buckled in. The goblin stood at the front. Immediately, the cart began to move. At roughly the same rate as a snail.

Harriett threw her hands in the air and laughed maniacally throughout the whole 2 hour ride.

When they came to a halt, the goblin climbed out of the cart and promptly tore off a piece of Harriett's hair.

"Harrumph!" She harrumphed.

"Safety precaution." The goblin muttered. He goblin then drew the hair over the door in many complex designs. After about 4 minutes of this, the door swung open. Inside, were stacks and stacks of gleaming purple coins.

Greedy Hag gaped. "Harriett, you're rich!"

Harriett yawned and pulled four of the same coins from her pocket. "I could have told you that!"

"What?" sputtered Greedy Hag. "Where did you get those?"

"I nicked them from the lady outside." Harriett grinned. "I'm going to buy a new set of exercise equipment for my cockroaches!"

Greedy Hag sighed. After shrinking about 40 coins and stuffing them into his pockets, he, Harriet, and the goblin were off again in the sturdy cart. About an hour later, they arrived at another vault. But Harriett was too busy making friends with a nearby dragon to notice.

After they had made the return trip, Harriett wandered away from Greedy Hag. As she pondered deep ponderments, a crowd began to form around Harriett.

"Is it…?"

"It can't be…"

"I don't see a scar…"

Harriett stopped her pondering and looked around. She decided to treat her adoring fans to a song.

"ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY AND Z! NOW I KNOW MY ABC'S, NEXT TIME WON'T YOU SING WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

Harriett bowed. The crowd went wild.

But only because Harriet's braids had swept back to reveal a clear forehead.

"OHMYDEADWIZARDGOD! IT'S HARRIETT SLAUGHTER!"

"WILL YOU SIGN MY SCAR?"

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMOMG!"

"WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

Harriett was ecstatic! She had found her true calling. She always knew she was a wonderful singer!

"Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all-" Suddenly, the noises were gone. Harriett looked around. She was in a deserted alleyway. Greedy Hag was panting at her feet.

"Never -_pant_- do _–pant_- that again!" Greedy Hag panted, shoving a night black owl onto Harriet's foot.

Harriett picked up the owl and frowned. "What is _this_ for?"

"Sending letters." replied Greedy Hag. "You'll need an owl soon enough."

Harriet emptied her pockets, spilling hundreds and hundreds of purple coins onto the floor.

"Harriett!" Greedy Hag exclaimed. "You really must stop that horrid habit!"

"Aw, they never notice!" Harriett shrugged, gently stuffing the owl into her now empty pocket.

Greedy Hag gathered the coins, shrunk them to a suitable travel size, and squared his minute shoulders. "Let's go get you some robes!"

As he turned around, Greedy Hag was nearly smushed by a rather large foot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Oomph!"

Greedy Hag's head connected with the street in an attempt to get out of the way. Harriett stared solemnly at Greedy Hag for a second as he clutched his head in his hands before she erupted into a fit of laughter.

"You –_giggle_- look –_giggle_- so funny –_giggle_- when you're in –_giggle_- pain!"

Harriett collapsed in laughter again. Greedy Hag recovered and glared at Harriett. After an intense stare down, Harriett and Greedy Hag looked up at the same time to see a tall, handsome, man blinking down at them. What stood out most about the man (other than his rugged good looks) was that he had a large purple turban on his left shoulder. The man smiled.

"Hello good fellows, my name is Squirrel, Professor Squirrel."

As he spoke, his confidence washed over the air. Harriett waggled her eyebrows and casually flicked a large chunk of dirt off her homemade t-shirt in an attempt to look grown up.

"My name is Harriett Slaughter and I'm the coolest person you will EVER meet."

"Well than Harriett," Professor Squirrel began, "It would be an honor to teach you at Boarburps this year."

Harriet groaned, "I DON'T believe in magic! Why doesn't anyone get that? Magic. Does. Not. Exist."

Harriett harrumphed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"All in good time my dear."

Professor Squirrel patted Harriett on the shoulder and walked away. As he walked away, his left shoulder bumped into Harriett. She cried out in pain and dropped to the ground clenching her forehead. Concerned, Greedy Hag scurried over to Harriett.

"What's wrong?!" He asked frantically.

"Nothing." Harriett grinned. "I just wanted to see if you would freak out."

She jumped up and dusted herself off.

"Don't we have robes to get or something?"

She started skipping down the street. Greedy Hag sighed and scampered after her. After about 10 feet, Harriet skidded to a stop. She walked over to a large glass display case outside a crowded shop. Pushing them out of the way, she peered through the glass.

"Whoa! What is that?" Harriet asked incredulously.

"That," Greedy Hag said, pointing, "Is the Oreck 3000. It's the fastest Flippitch vacuum cleaner in the whole galaxy. All the best Flippitch teams have them. You see, Flippitch is…"

"Not that, you poop brain!" Harriet interrupted. "That!"

She pointed to a small object in the corner of the display. "It's a cockroach. And a beautiful one at that! I think I'll take it with me. It will make a much better pet than that horrid owl you gave me."

"Oh Harriet…" Greedy Hag sighed.

After 20 minutes it took to catch the cockroach, they were finally back on track. Greedy Hag steered her into the robe shop before Harriet could think of any more ways to distract them.

"You stay here and try on some robes while I go and take a well-deserved break." Greedy Hag huffed while walking back out of the shop.

Harriet looked around and spied a boy about her age. Walking up to him she introduced herself as "The Most Awesome Person You Will Ever Meet".

The boy nearly fainted in awe. "My name is Dragon Badboy. Usually I'm a spoiled selfish jerk, but I have a feeling that I won't be getting my way with you."

He stared up at her wondrously.

Harriett sat back at looked at him. He had a pretty sturdy build and had shining platinum blonde hair.

"Yep your right. And since you seem like a pretty decent guy I'm letting you be my personal slave for the next seven years. Now buy me some robes."

Dragon got up and picked out a pair of beautiful, black robes. He paid for them and, following Harriet's orders, embroidered her face on the back of his and Harriet's robes.

"Perfect." She said contentedly.

Unfortunately, Greedy Hag then came in and tore her away from her new slave. He directed her into a shop called Olivewonder's. A short man with a white beard sat behind the main counter. He introduced himself as Olivewonder.

"So, here to buy a wand eh? Well you came to the right place. Here all your magical dreams will come true."

"I DON'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC!" Harriett screamed.

"Touchy, Touchy." Olivewonder muttered as he tottered to the back of the shop.

He returned carrying two boxes. He opened the first one and handed Harriet a short black wand.

"Wave it around will ya."

Harriett waved it. Nothing happened.

"See, told you magic wasn't real." Harriett said arrogantly.

In response, Olivewonder just took out the other wand. Harriett flicked it and still nothing happened.

"Well, isn't this just mind-stumping." He said as he went into the back again. "I wonder…."

Olivewonder came back and handed Harriett a thin brown wand. Harriett jabbed at the air with it and sparks erupted off the tip of it.

Olivewonder laughed, "See, magic is real."

This time is was Olivewonder and Greedy Hag's turn to giggle.

"Still don't believe it." Harriett said stubbornly.

"Well you better accept the facts soon because your train leaves to go to Boarburps tomorrow." Greedy Hag pointed out.

Harriett just sniffed, unable to come up with a clever response.

"Come on Harriett. Let's get you packed." Greedy Hag said soothingly as he guided Harriett out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Wow, it's been forever! I figured I'd just go ahead and post another chapter, in case anyone still cares about this little story. :)**

**Chapter 5**

The next day Harriett and Greedy Hag appeared at Queen's X subway station. Greedy Hag was exhausted. He had spent all of last night ironing Harriett's robes and making tea for the cockroach tea party. Harriett, of course, was bouncing off the walls. She insisted on having 10 shots of espresso that morning. She was now running around screaming random numbers at all the people that were walking by trying to have a normal ride on the subway.

"Ay, Ay! Calm down! You've got a subway to catch." Greedy Hag said crossly from his perch on Harriet's right ear.

"Now, you need to go to Platform 3 4/9. Here's your stuff." He gestured to the three carts holding Harriett's belongings. "I'll leave you to it then."

He wiggled his ears and vanished from the spot leaving Harriett wondering where in the world she was supposed to go. She didn't think long though (it's hard to think when you have so much caffeine running through your veins), and began to run around the station arms with her arms outstretched and making bird calls. She was piggy-backing on a subway conductor (pretending to be a cowboy) when she spotted them. Six tall, thin people with hair the color of spray on cheese. It was the cheese color hair that drew Harriett in. Instantly changing from cowboy to lion, she crouched down with her butt straight in the in the air, and crawled to where the family stood. She hid among the crowd of people until she got to just the right spot. She pounced on the nearest girl.

"That's my piggy tail!" exclaimed the girl.

The girl that Harriett jumped on was around 5'6'', had bright orange hair and a jumble of freckles dotting her nose. Harriett leapt off and growled at her.

"Hey now! I come in peace. Do not bite, I repeat do not bite. I don't want to catch a cold—wait a second… are you Harriett Slaughter? Mum! Check it out! It's Harriett Slaughter! WOW! My name is Rosalie Measlee! It would be totally awesome if we were in the same house!" Rosalie awed.

Harriett decided that this girl was okay and stood up.

"Yes I am indeed the one and only Harriett Slaughter. Please hold your applause to the end." Harriett replied, staring at the girl and the rest of her family. They immediately dropped their hands back down to their sides.

"I am, in fact, trying to get to this so called 'school of Magic and Awesomeness'. It's called Boarburps. Ever heard of it? But for the record, I do not believe in magic. I just don't have anywhere else to go since my mean aunt and uncle kicked me out of the house. They starved me you know, AND I was forced to live in a rusty mailbox."

"Oh you poor baby. Here let me carry your stuff. You can follow Rosalie she'll show you how to get to the subway. If there's anything I can do just let me know." Mrs. Measlee cooed.

"Thanks so much Mrs. Measlee."

Harriett smiled and Mrs. Measlee beamed back. Harriett turned back to Rosalie.

"Come on let's go! You know what? You're my new best friend!"

Rosalie grimaced but Harriett took no notice. Harriett tugged on Rosalie's hand and started skipping toward the entrance of platform 3 4/9 pulling Rosalie behind her. 28 staircases, 7 turns, and a rubber duck later they arrived on the correct platform. In front of them stood a subway caked with mud and dirt. Harriett sighed contently.

"Looks just like home." Harriett said proudly referring to her other home under the flower bed.

"We should go find a compartment before they all fill up." Rosalie suggested.

Harriett didn't acknowledge that she heard Rosalie and continued to stare wondrously at the piece of junk that would take them to Boarburps. Rosalie sighed again and walked off. After a few more minutes of staring, Harriett figured she might as well board the subway so she could improve the miserable lives of all that were attending school with her. She strode up to the side of the subway and noticed Dragon staring at her. She summoned him and he hurriedly shuffled over to her.

"Hey Dragon, be a peach and load my trunk will you."

He vigorously nodded his head and took the trunk from Harriett's hands. Harriett, free of her belongings, boarded the train and looked for a place to sit. She could have sat in any of the compartments but decided to brighten Rosalie's day even more and sit with her. As she entered Rosalie's compartment, Harriett noticed a strange boy sitting next to Rosalie. He had two tufts of brown, frizzy, hair that puffed out from his face. Harriett would later realize that these were eyebrows. Also, the boy was wearing hot pink robes. How strange. When she introduced herself, Harriett learned that the boy's name was Herman PowerRanger.

"Wow guys." Harriett said leaning back against the seat. "This looks like the start of a glorious friendship…with me being the leader of course. After all I AM Harriet Slaughter. Oooooh who wants to play name that cockroach?"

Rosalie and Herman smiled at Harriet, and even if it was a bit forced, it was out of love.

Halfway through the subway ride the trio saw a boy with platinum blonde hair peeking into their compartment. Herman and Rosalie glanced at Harriett.

"Oh don't mind him." Harriett dismissed. "That's my slave. He's probably just seeing how awesome our compartment is and how much fun we are having! I have the perfect idea for us to show off our coolness. DANCE PARTY!"

The rest of the train ride passed in a series of jazz squares, sprinkler motions, and of course the cabbage patch.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

By the time the subway stopped, it was dark outside and the three happy, sweaty kids stumbled out their compartment. Harriett spied Greedy Hag right away. He was a speck of pink attempting to direct the flow of black-robed students.

"First years right this way!" He bellowed.

A chunk of the kids broke off and followed Greedy Hag to a nearby meadow. As they walked, Harriett relayed the events of their awesome dance party to any student that was within hearing distance. When they reached the meadow, Harriett broke off mid-sentence and stared. Inside the green space were several unicorns.

"Unicorns!" Harriett cried joyfully.

She barreled past the other students and pole-vaulted onto the nearest unicorn. She howled like an Indian and gave the unicorn a huge kick. It reared up and took off flying into the sky. Greedy Hag and the others stared at her, their mouths agape.

"Well uh… let's just follow Harriett." stuttered Greedy Hag as he mounted his dragonfly.

The other students piled onto their own unicorns and soon were flying too. In the air they had a clear view of Boarburps. It was a huge castle with turrets poking up all over the sides. They also had a clear view of Harriett galloping around the front lawn like a madwoman. Rosalie and Herman rolled their eyes lovingly. As soon as their unicorns touched down, Herman and Rosalie jumped off and hurried over to Harriett.

"I know I don't believe in magic but these unicorns are pretty darn cool."

"Come on Harriett." Herman said gruffly. "We need to go to the school so we can be sorted."

"Bye Spike." Harriett said sadly, stroking her unicorn's nose as she dramatically wiped away a tear.

Then Harriett spun around and grinned widely at her two friends.

"Race you to the gate!"

Harriett took off sprinting, with Rosalie hot on her heels.

"Rosalie! Harriett! You better stop running! You'll get in trouble!" Herman yodeled hopelessly to the retreating backs of Harriett and Rosalie.

Harriett and Rosalie flew up the castle steps and straight into the Great Hall, collapsing in a bowl of pudding. Laughing, they looked up.

Straight into the scowling eyes of Professor McGonagall.

"Uh well then." Greedy Hag cleared his throat from behind. "Here are the first years McGonagall."

"Thank you Greedy Hag. At least they are all in one piece." McGonagall frowned at Harriett.

"Let the sorting begin!"

One by one the students were called forth to have the sorting earmuffs placed over their ears.

When it was Harriett's turn, she marched up to the podium and flexed her muscles. The earmuffs were placed over her ears and Harriet started chanting "SlytherinRavenclawHufflepuff ! SlytherinRavenclawHufflepuff ! SlytherinRavenclawHufflepuff !" But as luck would have it, the earmuffs shouted "GRYFFINDOR!" Not at all discouraged, Harriett hopped up, ran a victory lap around the Hall, and joined the Gryffindor table. She watched her friends be sorted and clapped madly when they both joined her at the Gryffindor table. When Dragon was sorted, Harriet sighed.

"Oh, well. Maybe he will be able to do my bidding during meals and classes."

As soon as the last first-year was sorted, McGonagall motioned for the Great Hall to be silent.

"I would just like to explain something before the headmaster comes out. Boarburps is a school of Magic and Awesomeness. There are four houses, as you can see. All year you will be trying to earn Awesome Points to go to your house total. At the end of the year, the house with the most points wins an Awesome Party. Now, please welcome the Headmaster of Boarburps, Professor Thimblewar!"

Rap music began to blast from who knows where and Thimblewar swaggered in.

"Peace ya'll."

The great hall erupted into cheers, but Thimblewar held up his hand to quiet the din.

"Yes, yes I'm glad you could all join me for another magical year at Boarburps. I'd like you all to take note of the new dress code. We will now be wearing hot pink robes to match my new hair color." Thimblewar did the Beiber hair shake and peered at the students.

"I see that Herman PowerRanger was the only one to read the new handbook. But, fear not. New robes on me!"

Thimblewar took out his wand cast a spell. Everyone's robes turned pink.

"Now that that's taken care of, I have three words to say before we eat."

Everyone leaned forward.

"I AM GROOVY!"

Food magically appeared on the tables.

"Cool trick." Harriett said as she reached for a chicken leg.

"That would be magic, my young Harriett."

Harriett whirled around. Behind her stood Thimblewar, his white teeth gleaming.

"My, I haven't seen you since you were a baby. You've grown into such an interesting young woman. I sincerely hope you have fun at Boarburps, and that you accept your destiny."

Thimblewar then moonwalked to the Hufflepuff table, muttering something about needing to find his point shoes.

"Whatever could he mean about an interesting young woman?" Harriett scratched her nose with her foot.

"Ummm… well, you certainly are interesting." Rosalie commented.

Herman just nodded.

Harriett was about to answer, but then Rosalie's older brother appeared in front of the Gryffindor table.

"My name is Prissy Measlee, and I am your new prefect. Please follow me to your dorm rooms!"

Harriett stood up, hopscotched across the table, waved to everyone in the Great Hall, and bounded out the door.

**Author's Note: Hope you're enjoying Harriet's journey towards self-actualization. :) Reviews are appreciated!**


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